Babys first hat!

So I must admit this is a tad presumptuous, but call it wishful thinking! I'll sew on a big red "S" for Superman when we officially hear its a boy. Otherwise, ill sew on a flower :)

Keeses sweet pea! I love you even though life is not fun right now!

8 weeks 1 day

Add extreme back pain and dizziness to the mix today. I am so uncomfortable every time I have to move. Every part of my body hurts. I am dying for a swim. Unfortunately its almost November. I may have to join a gym strictly for the pool privileges! Big fat bloated tummy. This is my first maternity shirt!

Baby fashions

I know its really early, but I'm much more optimistic about this baby. This pregnancy feels way different than last time in a much more encouraging and hopeful way!  So we stopped by a Goodwill yesterday because I wanted to check out their selection of baby books. Well I found some really great onesies too! Babys first fashions!

8 weeks photo

I'm not showing yet but I'm gaining weight. This is my first photo starting to track my belly growth!

On Sunday....

The baby will look like this! Wow! Tiny human!

Fotos

6 weeks

7 weeks

Ultrasound Update

It occurred to me that I never posted an update regarding my scary ultrasound day!  Turns out, the little sweet pea is growing on schedule and the heartbeat is a whopping 123!  I was told that anything in the range of 110-160 is normal and that he's cooking right on schedule at 7 weeks.  Great news.  No follow up U/S was scheduled, thank GOD!  The next time I go in is my new OB appointment in November and then my follow up anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks! Hooray!!!!

Maybe this little monkey will stick around this time.

Ugh...

I'm officially a cow.  My blueberry sized baby apparently now weighs 7 pounds.  Yes, that is how much I gained in one month.  SERIOUSLY!  The little chunkster has been forcing me to eat crappy and unhealthy and about twice as much as normal.  Why oh why have I been cursed with a man who weighs 140 and eats cherry pie and red bull for breakfast?  The man can devour a bag of kit kats or nutty bars faster than a cat can climb a tree.  What does this mean for me, oh fat pregnant one? So, my discipline has slipped, ok?  Yes, I admit it.  The only thing maintaining me at the chubby and curvy side of fat-ass and not over the edge of unfortunately overweight is my food intake discipline.  You might think I eat a LOT of crap, but you'd be wrong.  I just don't have any motivation or energy to get up off my ass.  I wish I could say I had the discipline to force myself to exercise everyday, because I'm educated enough to know that exercise gives you energy.  But whatever, I'm freakin' tired all the time and I'm in my first trimester people.  I sleep in my car during my lunch break. My bedtime is preferably around 8:30, and I don't mind admitting that to anyone who is interested.

I'm pissed off that I had to buy a belly band at 7 weeks pregnant.  I'm irritated at the fact that I'm so bloated and constipated I can barely function.  I feel the most unattractive I think I can possibly feel at this point and dammit, I'm not even showing yet.  Did I mention that my breasts feel like punching bags?  Yeah I think they joined fight club while I was asleep one night.  Is it possible to outgrow your bra at 7 weeks?  If I keep this up, what's next? My shoes will probably stop fitting by next month. Ugh. I feel like crap. Horrible day for the self esteem. Someone light my pants on fire, I need a good workout...

Baby Throw - Crochet Project

Thanks to pinterest, I've found an easy, beginner baby blanket pattern that I think even the most procrastinating and ADD part of me can finish! See below...reminder to self - must get some soft baby yarn soon.


Free Crochet Pattern: Limeade Granny Throw Lion Brand® Tweed Stripes
Pattern #: L0684

Rating: 4.8 (based on 4 reviews)
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SKILL LEVEL: Easy

SIZE: One Size
About 36 x 36 in. (91.5 x 91.5 cm)
• 753-213 Tweed Stripes Yarn: Limeade balls
$ 47.92

• Lion Brand Crochet Hook - Size I-9 $ 2.45

• Large-Eye Blunt Needles (Set of 6) $ 3.59

Limeade Granny Throw
Lion Brand® Tweed Stripes
GAUGE:

Rnds 1 and 2 = 3 in. (7.5 cm). BE SURE TO CHECK YOUR GAUGE. When you match the gauge in a pattern, your project will be the size specified in the pattern and the materials specified in the pattern will be sufficient. If it takes you fewer stitches and rows to make a 4 in. [10 cm] square, try using a smaller size hook or needles; if more stitches and rows, try a larger size hook or needles.


THROW
Ch 4; join with sl st in first ch to form a ring.
Rnd 1: Ch 3 (counts as dc here and throughout), 2 dc in ring, ch 2, (3 dc in ring, ch 2) 3 times; join with sl st in top of beg ch. Sl st in top of 2 dc and in ch-2 sp.
Rnd 2: Ch 3, (2 dc, ch 2, 3 dc) in same ch-sp (corner made), ch 1, *(3 dc, ch 2, 3 dc) in next ch-2 sp (corner made), ch 1; rep from * 2 more times; join with sl st in top of beg ch. Sl st in top of 2 dc and in ch-2 sp.
Rnd 3: Ch 3, (2 dc, ch 2, 3 dc) in same ch-sp, ch 1, *3 dc in next ch-1 sp, ch 1, (3 dc, ch 2, 3 dc) in next ch-2 sp, ch 1; rep from * 2 more times, 3 dc in next ch-1 sp, ch 1; join with sl st in top of beg ch. Sl st in top of 2 dc and in ch-2 sp.
Rnd 4: Ch 3, (2 dc, ch 2, 3 dc) in same ch-sp, ch 1, *(3 dc in next ch-1 sp, ch 1) to next corner ch-2 sp, (3 dc, ch 2, 3 dc) in corner ch-2 sp, ch 1; rep from * 2 more times, (3 dc in next ch-1 sp, ch 1) around; join with sl st in top of beg ch. Sl st in top of 2 dc and in ch-2 sp.
Rnds 5-28: Rep Rnd 4.
Rnd 29: Ch 1, 3 sc in same ch-sp, *sc in each dc and ch-1 sp to next corner ch-2 sp, 3 sc in corner ch-2 sp; rep from * 2 more times, sc in each dc and ch-1 sp around; join with sl st in beg ch. Fasten off.

FINISHING
Weave in ends.


ABBREVIATIONS / REFERENCES
Click for explanation and illustration
beg = begin(s)(ning) ch(s) = chain(s)
ch-space = space previously made dc = double crochet
rep = repeat(s)(ing) rnd(s) = round(s)
sc = single crochet sl st = slip stitch

Halloweenies....

So, I have to say that next to Christmas, the holiday I'm most looking forward to being a mom on...is of course Halloween.  No longer does that holiday mean getting dressed in a skimpy outfit to troll for guys and having the excuse of Halloween to look like a tramp (yes, I subscribed to the Mean Girls' ideals of Halloween), but now it means dressing up my kids in clever, well-thought out costumes that don't cost a fortune or require me to become a costume designer! :)  I heart Halloween!

Source: None via Asia on Pinterest

Source: mydisguises.com via Heather on Pinterest

Scary day

Ultrasound today.  Hoping to see a faster and more regular heartbeat.  I don't want the outcome to be the same as last time and it's particularly scary because the timing of my last miscarriage coincides with this ultrasound.  I don't know what I'll do if I don't hear a heartbeat today.  Especially, since Ian is leaving me on Monday.  (Not permanently of course, but he'll be gone for a while).  I'm just so .... I'm at a loss for words.  I haven't even let myself really feel pregnant up until now.  I thought buying a little onesie would make it VISUAL and REAL. But, it feels like someone's baby shower gift.  I'm hoping to see progress today.  I'm hopeful, but skeptical.

I want to blink and wake up to Thanksgiving morning at my parent's house.  With Ian and my grandmother there and knowing I've entered my 2nd trimester.  I want to wake up and fast forward a month.

Belly band

I have officially reached the very bloated stage of early pregnancy.

Nerves and hunger and hormones, oh my!

Feeling really nervous and anxious about the possibility of losing this little one inside me. There is so much going on in life right now that I think its beginning to get to me. I wish I could hit pause and go on vacation. Le sigh, alas this is adulthood and reality and real life. I feel like I'm spinning eight plates in the air hoping none of them fall and shatter.
By the way it really pissed me off when people suggest "to take it one day at a time." As if taking two or three was even an option. Perhaps I should blog more often. This always ends up being a cathartic process, blogging.

My little sweet pea's first outfit!

Names we love love love...

William Henry Lambert

or

Emiliana Grace Lambert

6 weeks and counting...

Our little sweet pea is 6 weeks old today. The tiny little heart that's just begun beating showed up on my very first ultrasound today.

Our little Sweet Pea Lam Bear ;-)

You're six weeks and one day old today, however you are measuring at 5 weeks and 6 days.  Catch up little baby, we want you to stick around! We already love you so much and cannot wait to meet you and kiss your sweet face!  You're my little sweet pea, perfectly sized and with a growing heartbeat.  Keep growing little seed, I want to meet you!

 

This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that I'll be spending so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If I could see inside my uterus, I would find an oversize head and dark spots where my baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as my own — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, my baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a pea in a pod.

The baby's jaw, cheeks, chin, eyes, ears, and nose are beginning to form what will eventually become one adorable face. In addition, baby's kidneys, liver, and lungs are developing, and heart is now beating 80 times a minute (and getting faster every day). 

At 6 weeks pregnant, the baby's placenta is developing and won't be ready to take over its role for a few more weeks. Until the placenta is mature enough, the yolk sac (a balloon-like structure that is as big as the baby) is providing my little sweet pea with his or her nourishment. The yolk sac will start to disappear completely when the placenta is ready – around 9 or 10 weeks of gestation. 

At this point in fetal development, your baby's hands and feet are connected with a layer of webbing. They don't be separate and distinct for several more weeks. From pregnancy week 6 onward, your baby is undergoing dramatic change. He or she is developing all of his or her major organs (heart, lungs, brains, liver, stomach, etc.). 

It's been a tough past 4 weeks.  I can barely stay awake most of the time.  I sleep every chance I get and have not felt guilty at all for doing so!  Also, I'm really hungry and moody and my boobs feel like they got into a fight, all sore and swollen.

Next week, you'll be this much cuter!

I finally got my BFP (big fat positive)!

So I finally got the positive test result as of today.  I don't know when baby Lambert was created, but I know we tried so very hard to make it happen! I could not be happier!!!! I was scheduled to get my period today and since I was free of symptoms, I ran over to CVS to buy an EPT.  Digital this time, I didn't want any speculation on whether there were lines present or not!  When I got the results, I was floored! Dear God, could this be true?  I immediately called Dr. Thompson's office and they penciled me in for a noon appointment. Low and behold, I'm due June 6th, 2012. The midwife said there's something about June...(that's when I had my miscarriage this past year) and it happens to be my grandfather's birthday.  I know he's watching down from the heavens looking out for me and the little bean growing inside me. I wish he was here to meet him on the big day.

So little Lambert is 4 weeks today and is currently the size of a poppyseed.  Keep growing, tiny baby! Your daddy and I cannot wait to meet you! We've been waiting for you to come for a long time! Oh Happy Day!

There's an app for that...

I cannot properly express my sense of urgency and lack of patience for my period to be over and done with! I'm ready to stop bleeding, thanks.  So, I'm all gung-ho about this trying-to-conceive bit, or "TTC" as they call it in the online baby forums. I'm so pro-active that I've decided to quit smoking again.  The current pack I have in my possession will be my last.  I don't need it and I only picked it back up again out of sheer boredom.  Also, I stopped spending time with Ian on our back porch because I quit smoking.  These days, it's more of a chore than a nice way to enjoy the outdoors.  It's too hot outside to even bother with anymore! So, ta-da! Sayonara Marlboro Ultra Lights!


In another one of my efforts of proactive babymaking, I've decided to start tracking the important stuff going on in my body.  I bought an OPK (ovulation predictor kit) last month with some pee tabs.  I also have an app on my phone where I track when and if I get my period every month called My Days.  The app is also supposed to tell you when you're at your most fertile, but I just discovered a brand spankin' new one that is supposed to go above and beyond.  Yes - this is a tad graphic, you've been forewarned.  There's a new app out for couples TTC called Pink Pad.  And, not only does it manage your menstrual calendar, it also tracks weight, cervical mucus, body temperature, ferning, spotting, menstrual flow, emotional and physical health, and connects you to other women for support and information.  I don't even know what ferning is, but dammit I'm going to track it!


So I've been religiously taking my prenatal vitamins that I had leftover every night at bedtime.  Hopefully that will create a nicer environment for the babymaking to commence!  CanNOT. Wait. To. Stop. Bleeding. And. Begin. OVULATING! 

Nobody knows...

I'm such an open and public person.  I'm generally the total opposite of private in daily life.  I'm perfectly ok with sharing my life's on-goings with moderately acquainted strangers.  I'm not generally inclined to talk about my deep, dark secrets.  However, there's not many of those anyway.  So, overall I don't have much to hide.  My mother sees this as a fault of mine, but I tend to disagree. It's part of my charm, see.  I'm what people call "sincere" in every sense of the word.  Sometimes I can sense how she feels though, when I see Ian over-sharing with people I assume to be strangers.  I agree it is usually better to keep quiet, because as I've learned in life, the more you put out there, the more ammunition for which people have to hurt you.  However, my general friendly nature and my chatty inclinations usually steer me away from keeping too many things secret, especially from those who know me well.

Ian and I have managed, however, to keep our current secret pretty quiet.  I suppose since I'm blogging about it, that it no longer constitutes as a secret.  However, I find it hard to believe anyone other than Ian or my mother continue to read a blog about a pregnancy of mine that no longer exists.  I haven't much advertised that I continue to blog about motherhood because, well no one really knows our secret.

We're trying to conceive.  We're actively trying to get pregnant.  We've been having sex way before we were supposed to after the miscarriage and have continued to have unprotected sex in hopes of an extra-fertile window of opportunity post baby loss.  I finally got my period last week, which as Ian stated "...is a good thing, because now we can officially start trying." He's right.  Even though I hated buying another box of tampons instead of getting that prenatal vitamin prescription filled, that ovulation predictor kit that I bought last month will finally be put to use!  In just a few days I'll be able to start tracking all that important information about my body.

It took almost a year of unprotected sex and stars aligning to get pregnant.  Even among my cystic ovaries and endometrial-lined uterus, we managed to fertilize the little egg inside me.  However, since it did take a year, we haven't told anyone that we are actively trying just in case we miss the mark. Just in case we take extra long to conceive or I manage to get pregnant again and have complications. Whatever the case may be, I won't be making the same mistake twice.  I'll be waiting for the end of my first trimester to start spreading the news.  Unless, that is, you read my blog and figure it out.

I'm continuing to plan my wedding in the midst of it all. I don't care if I'm big and fat and all belly on my wedding day. I'll be standing next to the man I love with a beautiful blessing of a child growing inside me. I'll still enjoy that honeymoon in the caribbean we're having so much fun planning.  I'll still dance to Frank Sinatra and drink champagne on my wedding day. I'll be there with my mother, father, and grandmother by my side cheering me on every step of the way. I'm am and will continue to be happy and that's all that matters.

6 weeks...

Today is the six week anniversary of my miscarriage.

Today, I finally got my period.

Although I was hoping to skip having one altogether and become immediately pregnant again, I am relieved to know that my body is healing and being put back together again.  The doctor says we should wait 2 cycles before we try again, but that hasn't stopped us.

I titled this blog more appropriately than I had imagined.  It appears that the road to motherhood will certainly be a journey.  However long or winding, the road leading up to it is paved with the best of intentions.  I am so very happy to be starting a family with this wonderful man in my life and right now I look forward to the day he will call me his wife. The rest will come in time...

you left me as quickly as you came...

I lost you, baby.  I lost you in the early hours of June 16th, 2011.  I remember it like it was yesterday, despite it being almost a month ago.

I woke up around 4am with an odd feeling, gurgling deep in my lower belly. It was something I had not experienced for what seemed like eons, but had actually been around 2 months.  I had diarrhea.  This struck me as strange, considering I had been so constipated since I found out I was pregnant.  It was the one thing holding fast and true, reminding me of the little life draining all the fluid and nutrients from my body.  I chocked it up to the turkey burgers Ian had fixed for dinner.  Maybe he had undercooked them? I thought to myself...

I awoke the next morning. Business as usual. Excited and nervous for what I had hoped to be the last ultrasound I would have for a while.  Little did I know what I was wishing for that morning.  There was no heartbeat. Somewhere around 9-10 weeks, your life left me. You left me as quickly as you came. I never met you, but I had loved you so much. You consumed my thoughts and my life from the moment I realized I was going to have you. You were a blessing, a miracle, a true wonder and joy. You had given me something I had longed for, for so long...the excitement and anticipation of motherhood.

I'll always miss you and think of you. You're still with me, I know it.  Although I've never had to encounter the passing of a loved one, you were my loss.  I still mourn you.  It's soon, still. You would have been 3 months on Sunday.  I'll try to remember that you're with God and that you'll be with the next angel that comes down to join our family.  January 22nd will never be the same ever again.

Power out...

No...not the Arcade Fire song....but there was a really bad storm here and our power is kaput.  Why did it have to happen during the last game of the Stanley cup? We lost power like 15 minutes ago and the Bruins already scored again twice. Ugh. I'm so tired and achey that of course I cannot sleep. It's already so hot in here. I can't believe my mom endured 9 months of this in the Florida summer heat. Lawd!

Peanut-Chocolate Mud Pie Squares recipe

Peanut-Chocolate Mud Pie Squares recipe

I'm in a seriously destructive mood...

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

I'm sooooo hungry!!!!!! But, I feel sooooooo pukey!!!!!!!!!!  I really really really want to go eat at Yeah Burger...but we're kind of broke.  Is it possible to feel like you're going to hurl at the same time you're craving greasy red meat stacked with onion rings and a side of peanut butter/chocolate ice cream?

PS. Morning sickness is a cruel joke when it only shows up after 3:00pm

the muppets....

will our kids ever know how wonderful they were?

And, Sesame Street? This is awesome....