you left me as quickly as you came...

I lost you, baby.  I lost you in the early hours of June 16th, 2011.  I remember it like it was yesterday, despite it being almost a month ago.

I woke up around 4am with an odd feeling, gurgling deep in my lower belly. It was something I had not experienced for what seemed like eons, but had actually been around 2 months.  I had diarrhea.  This struck me as strange, considering I had been so constipated since I found out I was pregnant.  It was the one thing holding fast and true, reminding me of the little life draining all the fluid and nutrients from my body.  I chocked it up to the turkey burgers Ian had fixed for dinner.  Maybe he had undercooked them? I thought to myself...

I awoke the next morning. Business as usual. Excited and nervous for what I had hoped to be the last ultrasound I would have for a while.  Little did I know what I was wishing for that morning.  There was no heartbeat. Somewhere around 9-10 weeks, your life left me. You left me as quickly as you came. I never met you, but I had loved you so much. You consumed my thoughts and my life from the moment I realized I was going to have you. You were a blessing, a miracle, a true wonder and joy. You had given me something I had longed for, for so long...the excitement and anticipation of motherhood.

I'll always miss you and think of you. You're still with me, I know it.  Although I've never had to encounter the passing of a loved one, you were my loss.  I still mourn you.  It's soon, still. You would have been 3 months on Sunday.  I'll try to remember that you're with God and that you'll be with the next angel that comes down to join our family.  January 22nd will never be the same ever again.